Episode 79: Is She Confident? Or Is She a Jerk?

We’ve talked about imposter syndrome (aka newbie nerves, productive discomfort) and today we are talking about something a little different. While we have noticed that more women in leadership are feeling worthy AND welcome AND confident and not like imposters at all, we still self-edit our words and actions because we worry our confidence will be judged negatively.

So in this episode, we consider the question: why do so many confident and successful women leaders worry that their confidence and success is making them look like jerks at work?

Key Takeaways:

• There is a difference between confidence and arrogance.

• Adaptability is a valuable skill. At the same time, being too adaptable can lead to self-editing, being a chameleon, and a loss of self.

• Be brave! Be confident! And lift others up with you.

*In this episode, we noted the work of leaders Rachel Cargle, Glennon Doyle, Liz Plank, and Tara’s pal Fiona Proctor. Thank you to all of them!

Episode 57: The Gift of Asking for What You Need

These days, if you are fortunate to be healthy and working, you are probably working from home. If you are a boss, you have likely discovered that a “management by walking around style” doesn’t work as well during a pandemic. And, if you are an employee, it has likely meant that you need to take more responsibility for “being seen” and asking for what you need. But are you asking for too much? What is too much? When does asking for what you need start becoming “needy?”

Key Takeaways:

• Many of us are scared to ask for what we need. To overcome that fear, consider:

  • What will be different if I ask for what I need or ask to be supported differently?

  • What will happen if I continue keeping it to myself?

  • How would I feel if someone asked me for the same help/compassion we are asking of them?

• Challenge your own perceptions of why you might see someone as “needy”

• It’s a gift to help someone. And it’s a gift to allow someone to help us!

Episode 53: Leggo My Ego!

Oh, ego.

In this episode, we talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly that can result from our egos taking centre stage. Egos can definitely lead to some jerky behaviours at work.

Tech note: We had some challenges with our sound this episode. The levels are off. Distance podcasting is not always easy! Thanks for bearing with us while we try to sort it out for next time!

Key Takeaways:

• Ego pro: Failure isn’t an option. It doesn’t even cross our minds, which means we may take some (smart) risks and have some excellent opportunities and results!

• Ego con: Can lead to hero behaviours. We can fix and solve everything, even when no one asks us to be their hero. Besides rubbing people the wrong way, this can also take away opportunities from other people to be accountable and try new things. 

• Ego and gender: are women judged with more skepticism when they show up with ego? Are men unfairly judged when they show up as confident? Hmmmm, we are a bit split on this one.

Episode 52: That's Not My Place

Is minding our own business always a good thing? Ooooo, good question! Often, when people come to us with an opinion, suggestion, or concern that they have yet to voice, they tell us that the reason they haven’t put it forward is because it is, “not their place.” In this episode, we talk about how minding your own business, putting your head in the sand, and not getting involved is not always a good thing and can even make you the jerk!

Note: this episode is a companion episode to Putting Down the Gavel, episode 50.

Key Takeaways:

• In our experience, one of the reasons people don’t speak up and default to, “that’s just not my place,” is FEAR. And as we know, fear is a jerk!

• A couple of questions to ask yourself: Am I waiting for someone else to do something? If so, what makes them more accountable?

• You can be a better workplace human at any level of position in an organization. You don’t have to be a boss or a manager or a leader by title. You can be a leader by being a better colleague to your colleagues and modeling awesome workplace behaviours.

Episode 49: Imposter Syndrome, What a Poser!

Due to COVID-19, this is our first remote podcast recording! The show must go on!

Imposter syndrome describes feelings of severe inadequacy and self-doubt that can leave people fearing that they will be exposed as a “fraud”, usually in their work lives. And you know what? Imposter syndrome is a real jerk! In this episode, we share our own experiences with imposter syndrome (we have many!) and discuss how to support not only ourselves when we feel this way, but our colleagues and even bosses, too.

Key Takeaways:

• Imposter syndrome has impacted us all at various times in our lives -- starting a new job/gig, releasing the DBAJAW podcast for the first time, going back to school, writing a book, to name only a few.

• The doubt we feel almost always comes from ourselves! It takes work to push through this discomfort -- it’s okay to be uncomfortable.

• Another jerky behaviour of imposter syndrome is that it rarely self-isolates and it tends to spill over into other parts of our lives, making us feel like we are inadequate in those areas too. Remember to ask your trusted people for support in these times.

Episode 43: Fear is a Jerk

We all have that little voice that tells us we could screw up, get hurt, look stupid, fail. Sometimes it's a whisper, sometimes it's using a megaphone. It's fear, and it's a jerk. In this episode, we talk about how it shows up for us, and what you can do to get it to shut the heck up!

Key Takeaways:

• That fear voice can be very smart and can camouflage itself with logic. Watch out for it trying to "protect" you!

• Fear can supply ALL sorts of reasons to avoid hard conversations. And while that may feel like a relief in the moment, it's not helpful in the end...to ourselves or to the persons we really should be speaking with.

• Why doesn't fear hold more people back from karaoke?? We (two of us, anyway) wish it did. Kidding! (Sort of.)

Episode 39: It's All About Me

Happy New Year! We are back.

While we hope 2020 is a great year for YOU, in this episode, we talk about how employee entitlement shows up at work and what can happen when we behave in a way that comes across as, “It’s all about me!” We discuss where the attitude comes from, what to do if someone on your team shows these tendencies, and how to recognize if you may be showing up as entitled.

Key Takeaways:

• Ego is a common driver of the entitlement attitude - when we compare ourselves to others versus focusing on the goals of our roles and the objectives of the company.

• Be curious - try to understand where the other person (the entitled one!) is coming from. Don’t take it personally! And be curious with yourself - why is this bugging you?

• Watch out if you take the avocados away! That will bite you in the ass. (When the perk is no longer a perk because it has become expected.)

Episode 34: Can We Really Cry if We Want To?

What is it about crying at work that is soooo uncomfortable? It seems like being authentic and vulnerable is desirable, and yet, if tears are part of exuding authenticity and vulnerability, it is a completely different situation. Some words that get associated with crying at work are: hysterical, out of control, weak, womanly, unhinged, incapable, etc. 

In this episode, we discuss when someone cries at work, whether it is your team member, a colleague, your boss, or yourself , and how to be IN the moment and NOT be a jerk in that moment.

Key Takeaways:

• Tears can be the result of a broad array of emotions. It’s not always sadness that brings on the tears. Try not to assume you know exactly what is happening for that person.

• You don’t have to take on the role of getting the person to stop crying. It’s okay to sit with someone who cries and simply offer them a tissue. When talking with someone who is crying, try to still listen to that person and not get completely distracted by the tears.

• If you are someone who feels really uncomfortable witnessing tears at work, and or associates any of those words mentioned above with crying, please check in with yourself and assess what is causing that response in you.

Episode 27: Jerk and Confidence

In this episode, we are confidently speaking about...confidence! Is there a way to believe in yourself, exude confidence and also not be a jerk? We think so, and we’re full of ideas on how to do just that.

Key takeaways:

• There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence = good. Arrogance = bad.

• Both overconfidence AND underconfidence can lead to jerky behaviour.

• Just because someone is young and doesn’t have a ton of experience, they can still be confident! Rather than thinking, “How dare??”, be inspired by them.